draft 3 need it by the end of this sunday
here is my review for the second draft
Peer reviewed by, Chuyan Wan
Evaluation Essay Peer Review Worksheet
What is this writer’s purpose? Does the writer achieve this purpose effectively?
The purpose is to examine a scholarly article which is about the analysis of postoperative sepsis in the United States.
Yes. The writer evaluates every aspects of the article and put it into a statistic, precise reality-related background to do the analysis. She analysis different parts of article and value the structure and data used, etc. It’s effective.
2. What is the writer’s thesis statement (judgment/evaluation)? Does the writer provide supporting reasons for the evaluation?
The article, -Postoperative sepsis in the United States-, is a scholarly article based on its numerical, mathematical data and different but all-coverage of perspectives.
Yes. Those reasons are delicately analyzed and they are around the concepts in the essay.
3. Is the criteria for the evaluation conveyed clearly in or near thesis? What is the criteria?
The criteria are the standard concepts for making a scholarly article. 1. The population mentioned is US population exclusively. 2.clear and evident examples in US related to postoperative sepsis. 3. Sample and data support. 4. Further topics related. (like medical, surgical, healthcare…
4. Does the writer familiarize you with/describe the subject being evaluated? Where would you like the writer to have
provided more information? This includes rhetorical and sensory details.
Yes. I become familiar with this topic after reading her essay.
In my opinion, there should be some quotes from the article to make the essay persuasive. The examples and data analysis is very impressive in the essay. So more quotes can make the essay even better.
5. Do paragraph topic sentences clarify what criteria is being examined? Specify.
The topic sentences are easy to find and very straightforward. The organization of the essay is clear so that each topic sentence clearly indicate what would be examined in the following paragraph.
6. Are the discussions connected to criteria interesting and insightful? Is the language vivid? Is there use of specific examples, details, quotes (if applicable) and imagery? Make suggestions. Be specific.
The language in the essay is neutral and straight. Again, I think put some quotes of the article can make the essay outstanding and have strong connected with the scholarly article that is being evaluated. No need for imagery. The words choice is vivd and meaningful.
7. Does the writer convey an alternative argument or means to improve what is being evaluated? How can these areas of discussion be improved on?
I think the answer is no. However, the writer can consider this aspect. But after reading her essay, I don’t think this article has any part that would risk it under unscholarly article category. But maybe there are. SO, an alternative argument can be added in the essay, or not.
8. Ensure the use of transitions. Because this essay is organized around criteria it is susceptible to choppiness and listing. Help the writer avoid this and maintain flow. Make suggestions on the essay itself.
There are various transition in her essay. Words like Besides, Lastly, What’s more… are very effective in making well-developed essay structure. The organization is clear and easy to follow. In my opinion, 1, the essay uses What’s more frequently, so the writer might consider change some of them to other words. 2. Other tradition can also be added. Like tradition sentences. ( apart from …..,…..) so the paragraph will be more tightly connected.
9. Compare essay’s introduction and conclusion. Is the argument and creative approach in the introduction consistent with the conclusion? If not, how could the writer revise for consistency?
Yes. The introduction make it clear that this essay is about to examine a article and use the structure and words, etc, to evaluate whether this is a scholarly article or not. The conclusion makes it clear that after carefully evaluate each part of the article, the data, the supportive example, the different aspect of postoperative sepsis… all things support the claim that this article is very scholarly. It’s consistency.
12. Make further suggestions. For example, does he/she have a hook? Is the conclusion a mere summary? Help the writer.
My suggestions are, 1, the writer can consider add some quotes into her essay to fulfill the essay even more. 2. The writer can consider some sentence transition too instead of words transition, to make smooth transition between each paragraph. 3. The writer may or may not consider make a new title to be specific and mind-holding.