You need to have a specific focus with a clear audience. Who are you targeting? Someone is responsible for saying yes (or no!) to your proposal. You need to address that person (or group). Your target audience will have the power to approve or deny your ideas. Usually, money is the reason for dismissal. You want to appeal to your audience with logic and research so the answer to your proposal is yes. Once you decide on a clear proposal, you will need to address a specific audience If you decide to propose a new policy to improve employee performance, then you would mot likely address management. If you decide to appeal directly to the employees, then they will be your audience
Your thesis should clearly state the point of the proposal –what are you proposing and why is your proposal necessary. What will be improved as result of your proposal? What will specific problem will be solved? You should have one clear sentence in the beginning of your essay that articulates these ideas. You do not include a clear statement that meets this criterion.
“Therefore, the paper will establish some of the easy ways the company can utilize to reduce the high frequency of the employee nonperformance. Some of the factors that the human resource department should prioritize is ensuring appraisal as well as rewarding of well-performing employees.”
You are not establishing ways to change; you should be making a direct recommendation to a specific audience.
Right now, your draft reeds like a general guide to help boost employee performance. You need to be more specific. What company are you dealing with? Is there a employee performance evaluation already in place? Is it effective? Why not? If there is a problem with the current system, you can propose that a new system to boost performance in the workplace be introduced. You can address management, HR, whomever would be responsible for approving your plan.
To improve your thesis, try to use one of these strategies:
If you had to state the entire point of the paper in one line – if that was the only time you could be assured that the CEO would devote to deciding whether or not to read it – what would that line say?
Sometimes, using a model thesis can help guide you to making sure that you have one line that says it all (both what you are proposing and why it matters). Try filling
in one of these thesis models to develop a strong, concise, and active thesis:
* By ________________, ABC Company can _____________, _________________, and ______________.
* __________________________ is the right solution for ABC Company because it will ______________________, ___________________, and ________________.
* Addressing the opposition in your thesis is another option. You can begin with “Although________________________, ______________ is the right solution for ABC Company because it will ___________, _____________, and ________________.
Try three more thesis models to practice drafting strong thesis statements, but the problem and solution model (C) would apply for this essay.
WORKSHEET: Crafting Your THESIS/FOCUS
I. WHAT SHOULD MY THESIS ACCOMPLISH?
A THESIS, above all, HAS TO PRESENT AN ARGUMENT, not just a FACT or a SUBJECT. An argument means you take a stand; you state a point of view.
II. THREE MODEL THESIS STATEMENTS:
A) Sometimes a thesis may show CAUSE and EFFECT: Example: “Because the cost of college tuition forces working class and poorer students to either quit or skip college, America can no longer claim it is The Land of Equal Opportunity.”
Your Turn: “Because ___________________________________________________________, then _____________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________.”
B) Other times, a thesis will begin with the word although or despite to show a CONCESSION or COUNTER- ARGUMENT: Example: “Although some politicians believe climate change does not exist, the scientific evidence proves the international community must cooperate and act now in order to prevent tremendous loss of life.”
Your Turn: “Although __________________________________________________________, __________________________________________________________________________.”
C) Other times, a thesis will show a PROBLEM and SOLUTION:
Example: “Since college tuition costs so much that many students from poor or working class neighborhoods cannot attend college, then colleges ought to charge only 10% of the student’s family’s income.”
Your Turn: “Since ______________________________________________________________, __________________________________________.”
You can obviously change the wording on any of these models, but you should have the idea about how to include everything you need in one sentence in the introduction.
You need to address the opposition
Addressing the opposing arguments in an argument essay is critical to the strength of your essay.
Opposing views exist, or you would not have an argument to makes. Someone needs to disagree with your ideas. Why might someone not want to initiate change in the workplace? Why might the CEO/ person in charge of approving your plan resist your plans? Would it cost money? Would training take time from the current work schedule?
You have to face these opposing views. After you have anticipated what the opposition may say against your argument, you need to prove them wrong…
You need to refute the opposition
You need to refute the opposing view by showing that they are unsound, unfair or weak.
Addressing the opposition is essential in a strong persuasive essay. It shows the reader that you have considered all angles of your topic, and you are still certain that your position is the right position.
What would you say to someone who says a new policy would cost the company money? Or there is not time to train employees? You are sure that your proposal is a good idea despite the difficulties that may arise. This is the point your essay where you explain why.
Make a Point.
Introduce evidence by providing context: for example, give the expert’s
background: their name, their position/job, their field, what they are known for, the title of the text you have taken your evidence from, and some information about why this quote is relevant to your argument.
Insert your evidence (expert opinion (quote), statistic, fact, example, paraphrase or summary).
Insert critical thinking about the evidence: analyze, synthesize and evaluate the evidence, and its relationship to your observation or argument.
WRAP-UP: Make sure you clearly state your thesis, address a clear audience, and follow the assignment guidelines.